The Rules of Love

My wife and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this past summer. Leading up to our wedding I remember a gift that one of my friends handed to me. It was a notebook he had titled, “Everything I Have Learned about Marriage.” Though only married the year prior, I was excited to receive any wisdom he might have regarding the new journey I was about to embark upon. When the notebook landed in my hands, I quickly fanned through the pages, only to find that every page was blank. My friend smiled at me, his gift speaking to the many lessons that both of us would still need to learn.

Many of us might recognize the phrase, “Christianity is about love and relationship, not a religion about rules.” While I understand and respect the premises behind this statement, I believe it oversimplifies the richness of God’s design for His creation. Over the last 25 years, I have learned that marriage is certainly built on love and relationship. More specifically, this love is revealed through daily choices that elevate the needs of your spouse over your own. While these choices may not be labeled as “rules,” they practically operate like them. Such as, “don’t go to bed angry,” “don’t yell,” “share household responsibilities,” “put the toilet seat down,” etc. 

These “rules” on their own don’t necessarily make a marriage flourish, but the attitude behind them is a common marker of a flourishing marriage. In the same way, God reveals His design for our lives through His Word. While sometimes called “rules,” His instructions are less about satisfying Him and His arbitrary requirements. Rather, God describes what love can and should look like in relationship with Him. This love is the same unconditional love that He shows for us by sending his Son to the cross. It is the same love that He desires us to not only show Him but demonstrate to others.

While my friend’s notebook gift 25 years ago was empty of any practical advice, God’s Word reveals His design for all relationships. God is the author of all love, and it is listed as the first “fruit” of His Spirit who lives inside of us. His Word helps describe practical ways for this love to bubble out of our lives every day. Still, we might sometimes struggle to love God or love our neighbor or even our spouse, under our own power.  But through our faith in Jesus Christ,  God has purchased us at the cost of His Son’s death and filled us with His Spirit. Instead of the sour or rotten fruit that might flow under our own power, may we daily access the fruit of His Spirit as we love God and love others. ​